September 2019 – Tanushree Srivastava

As I peep outside through the small gap of the hefty parched curtains of my window, I see an expansive forest green hill embracing the gloomy grey sky struggling to not pour over its left over deluge. The air though pregnant with the cloudy tears, thickens the atmosphere with a slight rawness of a crisp winter air. I am wearing a pair of grey striped socks to match the mood of the day. The dust has settled in on the glass window from last night’s downpour and it just dulls the mood of the room which needs light and only gets a dab. The city today could easily be a small town in England, all gloomy and chilly minus the dirt and millions of people.

I have my phone on the left side of my writing desk and an old mythological book on the right while I type (and not write) this out. I sway between the ultra modern lifestyle trends going in the west which seem aspirational and a simpler time of having nothing but knowledge and a vital survival kit of sleeping mat, hut and food. While my phone takes up a big portion of my attention and life, how I wish I could go back in time like I am sure we all do. Just an era before mobile phones and internet. I am always enamored by the huge mansions, the fancy dresses, the large sunglasses, the music, the kind of books people wrote, the feeling of community and just a slowed down life. Shall we go then? Wait, let me grab my coat, why you ask? Just in case!

[SCUFFLING] I am now in the middle of what seems to be an important terminal of the city. There are very few but very long bulky cars emitting a lot of smoke, a hoard of buses and rickshaws and howling vendors of street food. There are fewer people than what I am used to at any given point in India and further examination reveals I am in Delhi, which era? I can hardly tell!

I start walking towards the railway station which announced it is Delhi. I hear a loud hoot of the ash laden belching steam engine with poorly constructed carriages being dragged on the rails towards the platform. As I stand on the bridge, I am looking around to realize that although old and less people, the city looks a tad more humble than what I had imagined it to be and a lot more polluted with smoke being emitted from every motorized vehicle on the road even though they are scant. People on the road are relatively poor which did not match the innumerable scenes depicted in the movies from the lost era. All I ever saw were colorful clothes, rich culture and everything ducky.

I walk for a good 30 minutes to reach to the heart of Connaught Place and it seems radically different from what it is today and a weird different. People seem tense and almost everyone is clutching a newspaper in hand. I head over to a young boy who didn’t look a day older than 10, selling newspapers. I obviously don’t have the right currency to pay him so I hover around and read the headlines. It says India is in war with one of our neighboring countries, political unrest in other areas of India and the atmosphere thus is thick with tension. I see broad sunglasses, some regal outfits but mostly it doesn’t seem to fit in the description of what I had always fancied the old days to be and frankly it’s upsetting to see even fewer women almost everywhere. I think I have seen enough.

[2019] We get stuck with all kinds of negative bias in our lives. One which makes you see more of what is wrong in the current time than what is good. We love glamorizing the past so much that we might give up a maybe decently comfortable life of the present to find happiness amidst a hoard of uncertainties and pandemonium that every country had back in the day due to wars, crime (maybe more evident than today) and other problems which are huge like inequality, omitted democracy, not enough freedom for women and a ruling class which dictates the society and keeps the best for itself.

We fantasize those well dressed people in bell bottoms and polka dot dresses with ribbons and a go go atmosphere with disco music blaring in the discotheques. We think of those large bulky cars with swoon worthy long bonnets and the gaudy colors and decor of houses. We imagine a humble cup of tea and a Parle G making the cut for that day. A big house with a mango tree in the backyard, we say, “Oh the days of having an ‘aangan’ where we sat with our grandmothers”. An excessively romanticized past portrayed by movies and TV which does not really exist, well, in parts it does but with it there were issues much bigger than what we can imagine in this digital age.

We yearn to write letters and that feeling of waiting for a reply to that letter, not even knowing if that person will really receive it or not. We miss going to the post office and posting cards for birthdays because whatsapp has ruined it for everybody and has made things very easy. We look at a child with a tablet or phone and think how our childhood was so much more than pointlessly staring at a screen. We pine for a slower and simple life. We want so much right?

Now think about this. Who is stopping you from writing letters? Why don’t you write letters,? I don’t think it is a lost art. You chose convenience of digital messages over writing letters and not waiting for days to convey your feeling. Why have you stopped sending out cards on birthdays and anniversaries but secretly love it when somebody gives you one? I still send out cards to people I love.

If we really analyze our lives and compare it with what people had ‘back in the days’, here’s what we do have: Freedom: we have more freedom to choose for ourselves, the life, education and the endless choices we make everyday, maybe a smaller house but an independent one where you don’t have to wait for the end of the day to get peace; Resources: studies have shown that today an average individual has way more than what our ancestors had and it includes literally everything right from medicines to food to entertainment and a decent place to stay with almost negligible chances of a war which took toll of lives of millions of soldiers through history of demented and brutal empire expansions; Hence we have more peace and lesser worry of breaking into a delirious war to conquer more territories; Women: things we take for granted like equality in workplace, personal life, voting rights and an overall elevated status in the society is not very old and has been recently grown into a full fledged monster for the patriarchal society.

I agree our lives have become hectic and there is a constant race to achieve the next big thing. I also believe that more often than not those wounds are self inflicted and last a lifetime. We become used to a certain kind of life or see others and want their life but work for something which doesn’t match our expectations. We are stuck in a vicious cycle and guess what? We know it! Why don’t we speak up in our work place when something is wrong? Why don’t we say no to a dominating malicious partner at home? Why do we suffer and accept the misconduct of other people in general? Why are majority of people today just suffering in silence in day to day life?

Sometimes people tell me that we are hardwired and conditioned to be slaves and ruled by somebody. Hundreds of generations before us have accepted that rule and it is kind of an unsaid personality trait that comes to us naturally. I don’t look at it that way, I think we can be what we want to be and self pity is fine only for a day and in the long run there are no free lunches.

Guess what? Next time you see an old movie or a sitcom romanticizing the past, picture this; you wouldn’t be able to take those numerous casual strolls in the royal corridors or experience the superfluous opulence of those days that you do today by just buying a ticket because you’d be standing on the other side of the wall like the rest of the reserved mass. Even if you don’t mind this atrocity and maybe you were to get that life, it takes away everything you have today, like equality irrespective of your caste or religion, simple things like traveling on an airplane or a car, getting quality education to do whatever you want and that one thing which is very important and personal to you, will you still give everything you have Now for a ‘simple’ life?