When I was a little kid trying to understand everything around me, all I wanted at the end of the day was my mother. Some times I missed my dad, but it was mostly my mother whom I missed the most. I loved my friends, but they weren’t as important. I loved my neighbors, but they weren’t as special.
I was like that horse with blinkers who could only see one thing all the time, my mother. My life had other bonds but they didn’t matter at the end of the day. But then, I grew up…..
I always think that life is more than funny, it is actually, absurd. When I have the wisdom and the ability to take my own decisions, I am not happy. I was pleased with my life when it was controlled and dominated. That life was carefree, this life is exactly the opposite. In bondage, I had freedom.
When I grew up, life’s parameters grew. I made more friends and they moved higher in my importance ladder. I made some new relations and they meant something extra to me. I was slowly binding myself with these relationships. That time was happy when people kept coming in with their own philosophies and love.
My life was slowly creeping into this complicated zone which was new to me. My friends became mean, the neighbors were prying and then of course all those new relationships weren’t as positive. But there were those really special friends who protected me, those relationships who always had my back and my mother was watching all this from a distance.
But I am so tied up right now. I am not free. I am so stupid that I even get attached to a book and cry with it. I watch a sitcom and I love & cry with those characters even though I know they are not real. I get betrayed, I forgive. I am sad because of someone but I justify even that. Why do I do that?
I am scared of giving up. I am paranoid of cutting myself from the familiarity of my relationships. But when they end abruptly without a notice, it is worse. Time heals the pain, true. But I demand continuity and the tag forever attached.
When I look back in time and recall the memories I spent together with those people, it all comes back in tears. I am a teary person and I know that we all are very weak inside. More than anything else I make myself understand life’s biggest rule and that is Impermanence. Life keeps on changing and it is all a time’s play. Losing something doesn’t make you a winner. Similarly winning something doesn’t make you a winner, at least permanently.
Time changes as fast as we blink our eyes and so it becomes very vital for us to register the fact that nothing stays with us forever, life is ever-changing because God wants it that way. You can not fight God. But you can make peace with his little games. Fight him and you will gain nothing, accept it, you will at least conquer yourself.
“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.”
― Nicholas Sparks