I am feeling confused about my birthday this year. This is a first. Are birthdays supposed to be happy or sad? Yes, I know they are supposed to be celebrated, but why? because we are aging & heading towards our dying day? So this day, celebrates another year gone by? Why should we do that?
I don’t want to blow a candle on a cake and open gifts. I do not want celebrations. I want peace, but that’s a liberty I am not entitled to in life right now. Birthdays are sad reminders of us getting a year closer to a day when we will think, “I wish I had done just this small thing differently, my life would have been so much better right now.”
Trust me, there was no one who was more excited about birthdays than me. The 13th was the first teen year,16th one was special, the 21st got me my financial independence and then 22. This year I will turn 23, though I don’t feel anywhere close to being 23, but that’s beside the point, 23 is old.
My heart is telling me that I am still the same High school girl, but I am not. Life is passing away like that racing car on the track which is a blur. All my life I cribbed about going to school everyday in the same boring uniform, that ended suddenly one day. I wanted to go to college and then I hated it. God granted me even that wish, college ended. Now what?
A cool job which I will later realize is not cool enough. Either my standard is up too high or I am just being plain lunatic. I agree I’ve had my share of fun, emotional, new, exciting, adventurous moments in life, but I want life to be a little slow, to give me like more than 24 hours a day and with it provide a little more strength to live those addition ticks.
Life is rushed,
I want it torpid.
I want to travel alone,
Eat Pizza in an alley of Italy.
I want to write,
I want to bring Joy.
Writing is challenging,
It should be palpable.
Moments are limited,
I yearn to steal twinkles in 1 tick tock.
Meditation should be like blinking,
And then we are all awakened.
I want freedom,
A lot of dharma.
A generous spirit,
An understanding soul.
Cultivate Love for all,
Dance with the beating of heart.
I want to live a little more,
Die a little later.