Birthdays and Confusions


Pink birthday cupcakeI am feeling confused about my birthday this year. This is a first. Are birthdays supposed to be happy or sad? Yes, I know they are supposed to be celebrated, but why? because we are aging & heading towards our dying day? So this day, celebrates another year gone by? Why should we do that?

I don’t want to blow a candle on a cake and open gifts. I do not want celebrations. I want peace, but that’s a liberty I am not entitled to in life right now. Birthdays are sad reminders of us getting a year closer to a day when we will think, “I wish I had done just this small thing differently, my life would have been so much better right now.”

bic-1Trust me, there was no one who was more excited about birthdays than me. The 13th was the first teen year,16th one was special, the 21st got me my financial independence and then 22. This year I will turn 23, though I don’t feel anywhere close to being 23, but that’s beside the point, 23 is old.

My heart is telling me that I am still the same High school girl, but I am not. Life is passing away like that racing car on the track which is a blur. All my life I cribbed about going to school everyday in the same boring uniform, that ended suddenly one day. I wanted to go to college and then I hated it. God granted me even that wish, college ended. Now what?

A cool job which I will later realize is not cool enough. Either my standard is up too high or I am just being plain lunatic. I agree I’ve had my share of fun, emotional, new, exciting, adventurous moments in life, but I want life to be a little slow, to give me like more than 24 hours a day and with it provide a little more strength to live those addition ticks.

Life is rushed,
I want it torpid.
I want to travel alone,
Eat Pizza in an alley of Italy.
I want to write,
I want to bring Joy.
Writing is challenging,
It should be palpable.
largeMoments are limited,
I yearn to steal twinkles in 1 tick tock.
Meditation should be like blinking,
And then we are all awakened.
I want freedom,
A lot of dharma.
A generous spirit,
An understanding soul.
Cultivate Love for all,
Dance with the beating of heart.
I want to live a little more,
Die a little later.

large (1)PS: I am still 22 πŸ™‚

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14 thoughts on “Birthdays and Confusions

  1. Enjoy today! It is all that you have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. Celebrate today and the wonder of life and all that it brings. I’m in my 60’s and still enjoying the wonder of each day and savoring it! There is much to be enjoyed today! God is good to each of us. The wonder of the diamonds sparkling in the snow. The fragrance of fresh baked bread, fresh brewed coffee. The tender new life of a blade of grass. The delight of enjoying being alive and fulfilling my destiny!

  2. Wish you a Happy Birthday……
    I am someone who always thought birthday is just a normal day. I even forgot once that it was birthday. But it all changed when my mom said ” It might be a normal day to you… but it was the day when i brought you to this world with all pain but still was one of the happiest moment of my life, its a very special day to me” . I didnt know what to say to that.

    I may be getting older, matured but the child inside still remains. Mom sees me as that new born child. My dad sees my first cry. And i started seeing the world from that very day.. so it is a special day… πŸ™‚

    I still like it to be normal one, but it is indeed a special day πŸ™‚

    Keep smiling and enjoy the very day when it comes… take care

    • Thank you Aneesh, that’s my first birthday wish for the year. My birthday is on the 31st πŸ™‚

      I am smiling after reading your thoughts. My parents are not so upfront when it comes to projecting emotions, so in a way I am glad I could know what your parents feel. Maybe mine feel the same way.

      Thank you πŸ™‚

  3. Hey guess what— as age old saying goes.. age is just a number!
    Either you feel miserable about getting old.. or you could put the year behind and become more wiser.. πŸ™‚ And to clarify your confusion about “you still think you are a child inside even at 23”.. it will be the same feeling when you are in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and forever (this is from various interactions I’ve had with different age groups so far). We are all actors who are supposed to act our age per society norm .. but we are always children inside. Ask your mother, your father, your cousins and grand parents.. they will have interesting stories to share with you!
    The day the child in you is killed is the real old age.

    Oh my .. was it more.. may be not.. and I’ll keep all this preaching behind..and let me wish you before I end this thread of conversation..
    Many Happy returns of the day.. Happy Birthday Tanu.. Enjoy ever bit of it.. and you must !

    • I wish it was just a number, lol.

      Thank you so much for making me feel so special before my b’day. πŸ˜€

      The society norm is so stupid, but we are in the end social animals and its kinda ok to grow up maybe, imagine being stuck in your teens forever, the crazy emotions and all. so ok, I am gaining some sense, haha.

      Its good to be 23 then πŸ˜‰

  4. Well, My birthday just went on 12th March. Now i am of 22 years, but i don’t want to be. This post of yours took me to my days. Life has taught me many things and one of the things is celebration. Celebrate your life cause you have it for once only. Live it to the fullest…
    Wishes in advance…

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