When will WE Change?


A woman walks with an umbrella at a street in MumbaiAs I walk down the road to the nearest bakery, I brace myself to endure glares, cheap remarks and pushes from strangers. I am not alien to this but that does not mean that I am OK with it. Every time it is torture and as much as I understand this male chauvinist Indian Society, I know no matter what We do it will never change.

Every step on the road is like Hell for a girl in New Delhi or any other part of this ancient country. Its sad. Its monstrous. It’s not our fault. It’s not justified. It’s not done. I HATE this society. Yes, I have a car, yes I can travel in its safety, but am I not entitled to walk on the road or the park or for that matter anywhere I want? Why is it that a male can wear shorts and walk unscathed while a female has to bare all these crucifying acts of torture when she dons the same attire?

So were we always like that? Was India the same male chauvinist society that it is today?

I don’t know. I would like to think that it was not. That Hinduism worships Goddess Durga then where did all this non sense come from? I am not blaming any religion but yes the culture that they bought with them. The parda system was one of them. This started around the 13th century and thereafter India became a slave. India became independent recently but these cross cultures and traditions have been practiced by one and all since centuries. It is a way of segregating the sexes and treating women as their ‘object’ and not revealing them to the world.

It sadden and angers me at the same time. Why are we different from the men? Is it because we are physically not as strong?

I have grown up in ‘Modern India’ which is to say, I belong to the educated upper middle class and that I never had a brush with the parda system but my parents did as kids to endless rituals like these and they knew the evil accompanying it. As I grew up, the wall went up in terms of what I could wear and what I could do. I couldn’t wear short clothes because that invited undue attention. I could not stay out when it became dark because it is never safe. I can not speak back to a male when he passed a rude remark at me because I am travelling alone and you can never what can happen if I open my mouth. There is an endless list of restrictions for a women in this country.

fields_of_joy-wallpaper-960x540While I was growing up I started hating what my parents said simply because it was always against what I wanted to do in life. But now as I am 22, I know they were intelligent enough to teach me to stay safe in this society of monsters. Nevertheless this makes me feel sad, it makes me feel trapped. I want to go out when I want and I want to wear what I want. The men on the streets have no right to stare at me or rape me. Yes, that’s the seriousness of the situation.

While a lot of men don’t see it as a crime, we are still not able to do ANYTHING. It is SHAMEFUL. I am not a proud Indian and no matter where the Indian economy reaches in the next 20 years, if this madness continues, it is useless.

There is so much I want to say and so much I want you to know, but is it the right platform? Am I free to say Everything? No!

tumblr_luf3hmbI1T1qaqw1cI am an object of lust for people who do not know me. If I am a girl in a village then I am seen as a source of producing children (read a son) to the husband. Millions of girls suffer the same misery every second in this country. If you ask me, it is a sin to be a girl in this country. You DO NOT want to be a girl in India. Period.

What is wrong with today’s men? One of the Answers is- Illiteracy. Second Answer- Lack of values and principles. Third Answer- Wrong Upbringing. Fourth Answer- The growth of Adult Industry. Fifth Answer- Cross cultures. Sixth Answer- The imbalance of sex ratio. Seventh Answer- The short temper and restlessness.  Eight Answer- Did you know that Android has games where you rape women in the game and win?….I can go on and on.

WHEN WILL WE CHANGE? WHAT KIND OF HELL IS THIS?

“Beauty provokes harassment, the law says, but it looks through men’s eyes when deciding what provokes it.”
― Naomi Wolf

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16 thoughts on “When will WE Change?

  1. Unfortunately, yours is a common experience. While I have never been to India (although I will be visiting for the first time for the month of December), I have friends and colleagues, both men and women, who have, like you, shared their awful experiences of mistreatment, the harassment, the violent attacks on women in your country. Many men, of course, are not like this at all, and hold women in the highest regard. This may be small consolation, but violent crimes against women and children around the globe have been dropping precipitously over the last several decades. Things, generally, are improving.

    I hope you can remain hopeful, kind, and compassionate in the face of so much ignorance and maliciousness. I, like you, can’t understand why people behave this way. I suppose, we must be brave, and kind, speaking up, as you have, demanding our natural rights and live as good examples.

    “Our life must be our message.” Thich Nhat Hanh

    Stay strong, my friend.

  2. There’s actually a game that promotes rape??? Unbelievable.

    “…no matter where the Indian economy reaches in the next 20 years, if this madness continues, it is useless.” I couldn’t agree with you more.

    I just hope that somehow things can actually be changed…

  3. Thanks for posting. Whilst I have never visited India, I have a regard for some of the Hindu gods and goddesses, and my partner & I had a conversation about this very issue in Indian society. Where goddesses are worshipped, why are the human women not valued in the same degree of respect? Why did this separation happen? In a culture that has male and feminine deities, it seems logical that respect should be given to both genders… and it deeply saddens me that this is not the case.
    Blessings to you.

  4. You are asking when things will change?…. Never, unless we ourselves change our mindset and attitudes. Unless we treat our daughters more preferentially than our sons, or at least on par with them. Remember, children learn things very easily by observing their parents.

    If parents think of girls as “paraya dhun”, only to be married off at the first opportunity to any lout, so that parents can attain ‘moksh’ – even though the girl is sent into living hell, what can we expect?

    Each & every family wants a boy to carry on their name; girls are aborted, or killed at birth – no wonder we have such skewed boys:girls ratio.

    But most important of all – women are the worst enemies of their own ilk. They are the foremost in harassing and / or mistreating other women, be it for dowry or begetting a son. We see this even in educated & well-to-do families. In most cases, it is the woman who starts haranguing & nagging man against the other woman instead of standing up for her when harassed.

    There are a lot many other factors too…

    I also know a lot of families who treat their women as equals to men including my family, but then we are still a minority….

    • Aafrin I share your anger. I have the same feelings too. You can never be too open on platforms and too judgmental but then the reality is as it is. No matter what we do, the politics on all this will never change.

      I am still hopeful and optimistic that the minority will soon be a majority 🙂

  5. You sweet and beautiful woman, thank you for sharing this hellish element of your life and living. How sad to be violated simply for being born ‘woman’ … How sad to be born a violator simply for being born male in a place where equality of those created by God does not exist, is not known. Keep speaking, keep writing … They cannot take your voice! Or, in the words of Mahala Yousafzai, “I raise up my voice – not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.”
    Love, safety, and joy be yours, Carole

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