“To live is to war with trolls.”
― Henrik Ibsen
I have tornadoes and cyclones inside me all the time. I want to go to this country and that country, I want to possess this and I want that and something new each time the media promotes something new. Its maddening and absolutely wrong. So right now when I want an Ipad, I keep questioning myself about the reason of this crave. My mind fills me with all those reasons that it wants to hear. As a part of “Discovering Myself’ and not giving in to such temptations I asked one of my friends who had just purchased an Ipad about the reason why she bought it. You wont believe what she gave me for an answer ” Ummm, (a sly smile) well because I wanted to….., why do you want to know? I can’t recall, must have been some important reason.” There you go.
I am not implying that we should stop buying but just buying because we want something is pointless. I am guilty and trust me each day is a fight. I wanted to turn vegan for my own spiritual reasons and my parents gave me a straight NO for an answer. Just them refusing it was a small part of the whole war, yes war, of giving up something I loved. I went ahead and skipped eating meat for 4 days a week. I promised God I wont lose control. The first few weeks were hell when the aroma was more inviting than ever. I stayed strong and went ahead with my schedule. But one day, I lost it and ate at a day when I shouldn’t have, I was sick for 10 days. God is with me, I am blessed. He has his own ways of showing me that I was not right and I accept all of it with a smile.
“In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined.”
― Thomas Stephen Szasz
I am a stronger person now. I don’t give in to temptations that easily. I hope I reach that saturation level soon where ‘Minimal is Awesome’ formula works. Everything is a conflict in life. When we open our eyes in the morning, our mind and body conflict, the mind tells us to get up while the body is urging us to go to sleep. As I said earlier, we have trained our mind to rule the body, so we Get Up.
We see faces, we Like some, We Dislike some, Some Like us, some Dislike us, we are in a conflict all the time. Before conflicts start with other people, we are conflicting within our own system. Our mind is pointlessly travelling from one time frame to the other leaving our body in conflict and when we do stay in harmony, the social conflict with other people begin. It is not wrong to say that Life is a battle.
How can we end all this?
That’s a difficult question and I am still searching for an answer. But I have trained myself to do one thing- To be of one mind. Either I do this or I don’t. Either I say it or I stay silent and forget it. If I sense that the current circumstances are leading to a compromise in my values& principles, I speak up and make peace with my inner cyclone. Conflicts also happen because of our habit of regretting things. We are always of two minds, sometimes we know that what’s happening is not right but still we don’t do anything about it. All we do is regret. We think, we slowly decay and become sad souls.
You do not know what you will think tomorrow. You do not agree today with what you thought yesterday. Your understanding cannot go hand in hand with your feeling. Your feelings cannot go hand in hand with your will. Your emotions will not agree with your logical argument. Your logic goes against the facts of human society outside. All this is a description of internal conflict. “I can neither fully agree with you nor fully reject you.” This is also a personal conflict. If I can fully agree with you, there can be no conflict. If I can fully reject you, then also there is no conflict. But, unfortunately, I cannot fully reject you for certain reasons and cannot also wholly accept you for certain other reasons. This is individual conflict. And there are also non-alignments of the layers of the personality itself.