“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
The root of mostly all our miseries are expectations. We always outdo ourselves in our eyes to help others and then expect the same service from others. It is not entirely wrong but it not right either. Why do we have expectations? Why are we so greedy that for every action, we want an equal or bigger reaction that exceeds our expectations?
Think of the last time you were sad, are you sad right now?Do you have a grudge now? Go to the root of that emotion. I bet you see a person failing your “set of rules.” It is a peculiar human nature which only sees outwards. We are a perfect judge of what others are doing to us & how they are affecting our lives. We fail to look inwards. We are extremely good at building images of others but an equally pathetic artist of how our image should be drawn. When in doubt, go back to the root of your problem, you will see a face who did something wrong to you, smile, forget and forgive because she/he was never meant to follow the rules created by you for others.
We must not chalk out laws and regulations of life for others. We must not always follow a strict rule of action-behavior. I have no right to expect anything from others. What I do for anyone is due to some good intentions and concern. My priorities in life are different from yours. I don’t expect you to walk the same path as I do and I don’t want you to expect the same from me.
The big secret to always stay happy is to realize the fact that society has made a social model of fundamental regulations, but to follow them or not is in our hands. Every social set up passes down rules on -how-to-behave-with-others. It is not right. We must always understand that the other person is not bound by some rules that you created or know. He/she is free to choose. We all have the freedom to speak in a certain way, to act in a certain way and to have a certain paradigm.
I am not in any sense justifying wrong or evil. I am merely asking you to break the barrier of those rules which you have made for others. If the other person is not responding to your genuine call then understand that her/his priorities are different in life than yours. You don’t have control over it now and you wont have it in the future. Sure you did all those great things for that person, but remember that you did that out of love, care and concern.
I love these words by John Bunyan- “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” I came across these words when I was writing an article for one of the nonprofits I work for and I think it has a deep hidden meaning other the context of helping the destitute. The joy I get after helping someone who is never going to return the favor is blissful. I apply the same rule in all my relationships too.
Sure I love my family and other people. But I don’t expect them to behave in a certain way or to respond to me every time. I give them the freedom of choice, if they want, they come to me and if not, they don’t. I don’t leave any stone unturned to make these relationships work and that is because that for me is My priority. It should not be a burden for them in any way.
Adopt an attitude of silence towards the external environment and see the magic unfold. It works for me. I hope the same for you!
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
PS: This is an excerpt from my journal and inspired by C.S Lewis.